"Usually it’s easy being alone. I wake up and don’t have anyone to answer to, or have anyone else to worry about. I make myself coffee, start my shower water, get everything ready for work and I don’t have to stress myself out by wondering if someone else is leaving on time. But today felt different, this morning waking up alone felt different. I’m not sure if it was the way the clouds were blocking the sun or the sound of silence that must have crept through my home during the nighttime. But something didn’t feel right, and neither did I. Being alone has never bothered me. Actually until today I’ve always embraced my independence. I can now say that I know the difference, have felt the difference between being alone and being lonely. I spent the night at my friends house the other night and I woke up to her and her boyfriend laughing in bed, half asleep and half naked. I thought to myself “Wow. That must be so lovely but so tiring too. I would rather sleep in.” But I did sleep in this morning, and I somehow could hear the sound of their laughter in my almost empty home. I could hear the sound of their future crushing my bones, and I could see why people search for most of their lives trying to find what they have. I haven’t found that yet. I’ve found temporary happiness in past lovers, but they never could keep me coming back for more. They never could make me miss someone while just being in the other room. I’m afraid. I’m fucking terrified that one day, like today, I’m going to wake up alone and that will be because of my lack of commitment to connect to anyone else other than myself, or with someone for more than a couple of weeks. I woke up today and I felt different. I felt incomplete. I felt anger for myself for not reaching out or for not staying. I woke up today and I felt different, because sometimes waking up alone is not as free and easy as you always thought."
- "Maybe I should get a smaller bed," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)